SOUTHERN ZODIAC...

Have y’all heard about the new Southern Zodiac signs? They sure do explain our attitudes better than rams and twins and scales from the old set of signs. I am a boiled peanut, which is somewhat earthier than the old Libra sign but with my Texas DNA it does hit the mark right square on the nail’s head—especially that part about being pretty salty.

Where do you find yourself in the southern zodiac business?

OKRA (Dec. 22-Jan. 20): Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick especially when you are in hot water. Okras have tremendous influence over others. Older Okras can look back of his/her lives and see the seeds of his/her life everywhere. In the marriage situation, you should steer clean of a Moon Pie.

CHITLIN (Jan. 21-Feb. 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. Many times they are uncomfortable talking abut where they came from. A Chitlin, however, can make something of himself is he’s motivated and has plenty of seasoning. Chitlins make the best marriages with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb. 20-March 20): You have an overwhelming curiosity. You’re unsatisfied with the surface of things and feel you have to bore down deep into the interior of everything. You are intense and driven as if you had an inner ravaging hunger. You might be able to endure life with a Grit but that is your only hope.

MOON PIE: (Mar. 21-April 20): You’re the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. Moon Pies are wonderful cooks and tend to throw out any recipes that do not have something to do with bacon or chocolate. But they have a terrible temper so if you fall in love with a moon pie, you can expect a rocky marriage.

POSSUM: (April 21-May 20): When confronted with life’s difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw. Sometimes you become so withdrawn that folks think you are dead. This strategy is probably not mentally healthy but it works for you. One day, however, it could fail and you will find yourself flat out on the highway with a “roadkill” sign on your chest. Do not marry a Moon Pie. With your attitude they might push you out onto the highway.

CRAWFISH (May 21-June 21): Crawfish is a water sign. Crawfishes who work in offices are the ones who hang around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the bathtub to the living room and the pool to the golf course. They might be able to get along with a Moon Pie but it will take lots of patience.

COLLARDS (June 22-July 23): Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get into the “melting pot” of life and share their essence with everyone around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists and Girl Scout leaders. They are safe to date Moon Pies since they both love bacon.

CATFISH (July 24-Aug. 23): Catfish are never easy people to understand. They prefer muddy waters to clear water and often never finish a project because they just can’t see it through to the end. They could possibly get along with a Moon Pie because they can always hide in the muddy water.

GRITS (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Your highest aim in life is to be with others like yourself. You love to travel anywhere there is bacon, gravy, eggs or butter. You would do well with a Moon Pie.

BOILED PEANUT (Sept 24-Oct. 23): You have a soft heart and compassionate desire to be of help to mankind. Those who know you find that you are a little salty and sassy. You should marry a Grits.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct. 24-Nov 22): A Butter Bean goes well with everyone. They’ve grown on the vine of life and are at home no matter where they find themselves. But you and a Moon Pie will never get along in any kind of relationship so steer clear of anyone born under that sign.

ARMADILLO (Nov. 23-Dec. 21): You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior but inside you are quite soft. You are not concerned with today’s fashions or trends and are almost prehistoric in your interests. You would probably want to hook up with another Armadillo but Possum is a good possibility, too.

Did you find your southern self? Leave a comment and let me know how close our new Zodiac sign fits you!