Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Monday, June 29, 2015
When we reached the first motel, I was feeling right smug. I had even packed a small "motel" suitcase so we didn't have to drag everything out of the truck every single night. One look at that motel bed and I knew what I'd forgotten. Smug was kicked to the curb!
Pillows! I had forgotten my very own personal, cheap pillow that has the mold of my face and right ear firmly implanted into the fiber filling. Mr. B just shrugged when I whined. He'd make a terrible poker player because his expression said that he would suffer through the night without his feather pillow but it would be far worse than a root canal.
Those giant hotel pillows were wonderful when it came to propping up against the fake headboard and reading until I got sleepy. Maybe I'd over reacted and Mr. B was already snoring so evidently he didn't need a fluffy white cloud to sleep on.
I snuggled down and decided that I wasn't so old I had to have my own pillow. I could sleep very well with the hotel pillow and tomorrow I'd wake up ready to get on with the trip.
One hour later, I awoke with a Charlie horse...only it was in my neck. Not my leg. One can not stand up on their neck so I took out my frustration and pain upon that pillow. I beat on it for ten minutes but the foamy stuff in the middle kept springing back to life. I considered driving a stake through the middle of the thing but I couldn't find any wood and I figured the hotel might charge me extra if the desk leg was missing when they came in to clean the next morning.
Finally, pure exhaustion set in and I slept. For one hour! At that point I threw all three of my pillows at the wall, wadded up a blanket and pretended it was my pillow.
The next night when we stopped I was so tired I could have slept on a park bench and used the cast iron arms for a pillow without whining. Just guide me in the direction of the bed and I would not whine.
They did not have vampire, zombie pillows but what they did have was old enough to qualify for a senior citizen's discount over at the Braum's store. I told myself that wine was better the older it got, that my pillow at home was insured as an antique and this was fine. At least they weren't the size of Mt. Everest.
An hour after we went to sleep I awoke with another Charlie horse...this time from my neck to the top of my toes. My right ear felt as if it were resting on a rock. Another lump had put my neck in a kink that was guaranteed to put my chiropractor's children through medical school...all eight of them. Another lump beside my cheek bone was trying to pop my eyeball out into the floor and a four one I'm sure is the sorry culprit that gave me ten years worth of extra wrinkles on the right side of my face.
Next time we travel, I may forget the insurance papers. I may forget vitamin pills, toothpaste, an umbrella and even my favorite hair brush, but I will never forget my pillow again!!
So tell me, what very important item have you forgotten on a trip?
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Saturday, June 27, 2015
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man
was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,
so they changed positions. Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, ‘What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.' So they then decided they'd both walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought
they were stupid to walk when they had a
decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people
who shamed them by saying how awful to
put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man figured they were probably right,
so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge,
they lost their grip on the animal
and he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone,
you might as well...
Have A Nice Day And Be Careful With Your Donkey
Friday, June 26, 2015
- This is not a hint. It is a rule. (This is the one I flunked). Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other side, do not go near a campground alone and do not attempt to build a fire. If you pass the flashlight test and think you’d like to camp out for a week or a month then you should read the rest of the hints before you pitch your tent.
- Hints begin with this one: When using a public campground, a tuba placed on the center of your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side of you free from noisy occupants. This is a good rule to know if you want to get a good night’s sleep because some folks do not turn in at
- A hot
rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your toes warm if you are
camping in the mountains where the nights can get colder than a well
digger’s belt buckle in
. If you can’t find a rock, a nice steamy enchilada will do almost as well, but the cheese will stick between your toes. Sometimes bears can smell cheese from a mile away. Alaska
- Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter if kindling is hard to find. If even a tiny beam of light found its way from one ear to the other please read the following warning: Remove lint from navel and lay it on the wood pile before setting it on fire.
- You will never be lost if you always remember that moss grows on the north side of any object. Or if your nose is good enough to smell the nearest hamburger joint, then follow the smell of raw onions. You can bet the cell phone service will be good in a burger joint so call your mama and ask her to send help. Mamas can always be depended upon but you can expect a lecture when you get home no matter how old you are. The first words will be, "I told you so."
- Always wear a long sleeved shirt. It helps to keep mosquitoes from feasting upon the flesh on your forearms. It also keeps the green briars from shredding your arms into little strips and the sun from frying you into a piece of well-done arm roast. If you have allergies, it can be used to wipe your nose on.
- A two man up tent does not include two men or a pup. It really means that two people sleep inside the tent but only if neither of them is over five feet tall and weighs no more than one hundred and twenty five pounds. Or one man and one pup can sleep in the tent if the man is less than five feet tall and the pup is kin to the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
- A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes a nice side dish. A potato baked in the live coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck. A potato baked in the live coals for four hours will be classified as a dangerous weapon if found on your person by the park ranger and can draw you about two years of picking up trash every Saturday for two years.
- The guitar of a noisy teenager at the next campsite (this is when you do not follow Rule Two) makes excellent kindling and you don’t have to worry about digging out belly button lint to get the fire started.
- In emergency situations—like when the hamburger joint is closed and you can’t find any moss and your cell phone battery is stone cold dead—you can survive by shooting small game with a sling shot made from a forked stick and the elastic from your under britches.
- You can always get even with that pesky bear that raided your campground and ate all your potato chips and peanut butter cookies by kicking his favorite stump and eating all his ants. They aren’t so bad if you dip them in French Onion Dip.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Just a quick note: Today I am visiting at Get Lost in a Story and we're talking about The Yellow Rose Beauty Shop. There's an excerpt, an interview and a free book up for grabs so come on over and talk to me there as well as here and don't forget to enter the contest on that site, too!
Also, remember that you need to comment on this site and/or join the followers to get your name in the hat for TODAY'S prize! Have a great Tuesday! And thank you to everyone who has commented or joined my blog site...you are all totally awesome!
Monday, June 22, 2015
(Just a reminder...comments and joining the followers puts you in the daily drawing. See the sidebar for the Contest information)
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Now onto the recipe Sunday...my two sisters-in-law and I were sitting on the front porch talking about recipes last week and one of them mentioned this being their favorite cake but it had to be made from scratch. It's my daughter's choice every year for her birthday cake and there's never a crumb left at the end of the day.
What's your favorite cake? What do you always wish for on your birthday? Remember I'll choose a winner tonight from the comments on this post and the followers. Yesterday's winner was Tracey Parker who has won a signed book and a little bag of swag! Spread the news...tell your buddies and your friends. The more the merrier and the more fun it will be. Feel free to share a recipe in your comments if you have a favorite! If you haven't become a follower, then dive right in...we're a friendly bunch here at A Little Sweet Tea and Sass...
1/2 c. boiling water
1 c. butter
2 c. sugar
4 egg yolks
1 tsp. vanilla
2 1/2 c. cake flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 c. buttermilk
4 egg whites, stiffly beaten
1 c. evaporated milk
1 c. sugar
1 tbsp. butter
1 1/2 c. flaked coconut
1 c. chopped pecans
1 tsp. vanilla
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting red-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT ... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 -- No report.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
2 packages of any kind of Kool-Aid (we like black cherry)
2 cups of sugar
1 64 ounce can of pineapple juice
64 ounces of water (I fill the juice can full after I empty the juice)
2 ounce bottle of almond extract (Use the whole bottle)
Stir all together until the sugar is dissolved and freeze. About two or three hours before time to serve, take it out of the freezer and let it get slushy. Put about half into a punch bowl and add a 2 liter bottle of ginger ale. Repeat when the punch bowl is empty!
If I don't have time to freeze the mixture, then I make it and add finely crushed ice to the mixture but it's really best if it makes its own ice.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Thursday, June 11, 2015
All I have to do is give him my bank account numbers and send him $500.00 US dollars cash, to show my good faith so he can transfer the money! When I asked about sending that much cash money by mail, he assured me that it was fine as long as it was in hundred dollar bills.
The e-mail was from a KENYAN prince who wants to give me FREE healthcare for life!
All I have to do is give him: My bank account number, my social security number, my confidential health information and when the mechanical voice on the phone asked I needed to say yes which would be my binding agreement for life to pay $700 per month for a policy with only a $10,000 deductible. Then he can make it happen! That’s not so much to ask it? And after all it was a prince and we’ve all read enough fairy tales to know that the prince is always a good man.
Am I on a roll or what?
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
I'll share pictures of this big hoop-la...oldest granddaughter is steam punk girl, youngest is a character from her favorite anime books/movies/cartoons/whatever they are, one of the guys is a blacksmith, the other two are their favorite characters from something I can't spell and you can't cure with antibiotics. And yes, the all rolled their eyes when I told them that on Saturday morning! LOL!!
Monday, June 8, 2015
When we reach our destination for the day I still have at least four hours of work (writing) to do so I can meet all the deadlines on my calendar. This helps considerably and lowers my blood pressure because I can sit quietly in air conditioned comfort in my pajamas and converse with the voices in my head. They are so much more fun than the voices that occupy that same space when I'm biting back bad words.
Since I do not have my work all done this evening and I don't want to leave y'all without a giggle for Monday...lord knows we need however many giggles we can get just to get us through that day...here's my Monday joke! Y'all have a lovely warm Monday. May you conquer it with a smile on your face!
I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore every day, I go to the street and tell a passerby what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do after. I give them pictures of my family, my granddaughters, my cats and me in my office writing books and looking at the herd of goats at my son's house and the sheep at my daughter's house. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works: I already have 3 people following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.
Sunday, June 7, 2015
- Preheat oven to 350°
- Cut bacon strips in half. (optional)
- Mix together the brown sugar, maple syrup and whiskey.
- Transfer bacon strips to the glaze bowl and toss until evenly coated with bacon.
- Line a baking sheet with foil and place a rack on top.
- Lay bacon on the rack in a flat even layer.
- Recoat with leftover glaze every 15 minutes.
- Bake for 30-45 minutes or until crispy. Watch closely the last 5 minutes because the bacon will burn quickly)
- Cool for 5 minutes before serving.
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Friday, June 5, 2015
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
So with that in mind...here's what's on the list for the next few months. All ready to pre-order so it will be right there in your hands on the day it comes out!
July 14 (ONLY Six weeks from now), The Yellow Rose Beauty Shop will be on the market. How would you feel if your mother asked the whole group of Prayer Angels to pray that God would send you a husband? And then the head of the prayer committee took it upon herself to put up a brand new post on the sign outside the church: PLEASE PRAY FOR MY DAUGHTER. SHE NEEDS A HUSBAND.
A short excerpt: Stella was not a bit happy with her mother! A tiny excerpt from the beginning of the book... If Nancy Baxter had known that she was turning loose a major shit storm, she would have never put Stella’s name on the prayer list down at the church in
The angels took their spirituality seriously so the praying began in earnest and before they were done God had been petitioned by a dozen women to send a husband to Cadillac and to ear mark him special for Stella Baxter. No one dared to ask why she needed a husband but they did have their ideas which turned into juicy gossip by the next morning.
December 15: The Wedding Pearls will be on the market. No cover yet but it's coming and when it arrives, it will debut right here so keep a watch out for it. How would you feel if suddenly your birth mother and grandmother sent a lawyer to ask you to go on a month long road trip with them? And then the stories started coming out about just who that birth mother was and how that your adopted mother had been friends with her?
An excerpt: Sophie laughed. “Oh, hush. I’m glad you are who you are. So you have a tutu mama and a tattoo mama.”
Dec. 22: Wild Cowboy Ways will be ready to put into your Christmas stocking so that after the holidays you can sit back and relax with Blake at the Lucky Penny Ranch in Dry Creek, Texas. Blake, his brother, Toby and their cousin, Jud, pooled their resources and bought the Lucky Penny in the middle of the winter. Blake moved right onto the ramshackle ranch. Toby would arrive in the summer and Jud sometime around Thanksgiving. Their goal was to have the ranch showing a profit in five years but they didn't plan on the Logan ladies over across the barbed wire fence at Audrey's Place affecting that plan.
March 1, 2016: Don't take your boots off because the third book in the Burnt Boot series is also on the way. One Cowboy Too Many is Leah Brennan and Rhett O'Donnell's story. Rhett is a rebel cowboy who rides into Burnt Boot on a motorcycle with steer horns mounted to the front. The feud has not been put to rest and Leah's grandmother forbids her to see Rhett.
So there you go...what's next and when it will arrive. All up for preorder at Amazon, B&N and many of your favorite book buying places. Enjoy and happy reading.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015