LUCKY WEEK...

This week has been the luckiest week of my entire life. Each day I hit another financial windfall.

On Monday

I got an email telling me that I’d won the Nigerian lottery according to an email I received from a Nigerian prince. He holds the sum of one million dollars in my name and he wants to send it to me FREE! 
All I have to do is give him my bank account numbers and send him $500.00 US dollars cash, to show my good faith so he can transfer the money! When I asked about sending that much cash money by mail, he assured me that it was fine as long as it was in hundred dollar bills.

On Tuesday 
The e-mail was from a KENYAN prince who wants to give me FREE healthcare for life!  
All I have to do is give him:  My bank account number, my social security number, my confidential health information and when the mechanical voice on the phone asked I needed to say yes which would be my binding agreement for life to pay $700 per month for a policy with only a $10,000 deductible.  Then he can make it happen! That’s not so much to ask it? And after all it was a prince and we’ve all read enough fairy tales to know that the prince is always a good man.

On Wednesay

I won a brand new car. All I had to do was give the company my bank account number, send in $800 to pay for taxes and other fees and then the new car would magically show up in my driveway within seven days. Yes, he would take a personal check. When I asked him why it took seven days if I’d already won it he told me that the check did have to clear the bank, now didn’t it? But if I wanted it to show up in my driveway quicker then I was to send a cashier’s check.

On Thursday

Vacation! It bypassed the Internet and came via a personal phone call and they knew my name so it had to legit. I had won a cruise around the world. There was a small matter of $759 for immigration taxes but that was all I would ever have to pay. They would take a credit card but only if it was backed up with my bank account number and my social security card.

On Friday

Holy smoke! My luck was still holding but this time again, it was again by phone. A fellow with a definite accent that my ears had trouble understanding called it called to tell me to look for a person bringing me a suitcase full of cash. Real hundred dollar bills in a locked case around his wrist just like in the movies. I felt so important to be chosen to spend all that money. Of course, he did need a couple of things from me like my bank account number and social security number and he even gave me a verification number to call back to make sure it was legitimate.

On Saturday

The IRS called to tell me that they’d taken out eighty thousand dollars too much in taxes and would be glad to cut a check but with a number that big they would have to have some verification like my bank account number, my social security number and I should fax them a copy of my driver’s license and birth certificate.

Am I on a roll or what?