I read a quotation that
there were 25 years between the time that the bathtub was invented and the
telephone came about. Talk about a heavenly time. Just think about sitting for
hours and hours in a tub of hot, steamy water topped off with a foot of bubbles,
reading your favorite romance book ... and the telephone does not ring.
I’m sure there were even a
few years past that first quarter of a century when women folks could bathe
without the phone ringing. Then the bathtub engineers joined up with the bubble
bath, water company and laundry soap folks and came up with an ingenious idea.
Put a pressure gizmo on the bottom of the bathtub that sends a signal to the
telephone company to put forth all calls to your number immediately.
That way the person in the
tub has to crawl out, wrap a towel around her body and answer the phone. While
she’s gone the water gets cold, the bubbles go flat and the towel she wrapped
up in is soaked. Consequently, the water must be drained and new run, another
six ounces of bubble bath used and a new towel drug out when the second attempt
is done.
Sounds like a conspiracy to
me!!
A couple of weeks ago it
happened just that way. Supper was over so all the telemarketers had gone home.
I had a new book to read and bubble bath I’d gotten for Christmas and still
hadn’t had time to use.
I’d just settled down to
read at least half the book when the telephone rang. My first thought was to
let it ring or let the answering machine pick up. But what if it was an
emergency?
I hurried to find a towel,
slid across the hardwood floor and grabbed the phone just in time to hear a
click and the dial tone. Righteous indignation is the ability to be mad without
using swear words. My indignation was slightly tarnished.
Back to the tub. At least
the water was still warm and the bubbles still floated on top like froth on hot
chocolate. That thought almost made me hungry enough to abandon the tub and go
to the kitchen, but I fought down the urge and crawled back in. The minute my
weight hit the bottom of the tub the phone rang. With murmurings far from
having a halo I grabbed the soggy towel and hurried to the phone.
“Hello!” I said grumpily.
“Hello, Mrs. Brown, this is
Minnie with Neiman Marcus and our books show that your account has exceeded the
five thousand dollar limit. Could you please send us a check for two thousand
five hundred and fifty dollars and thirteen cents by tomorrow afternoon?”
“Hey, I do my shopping at
the Goodwill stores and garage sales,” I stammered.
“This is Mrs. Rudolph Hugh
Brinson Brown the fifth of Oklahoma City , isn’t it?” She said
tersely.
“No, ma’am. This is Mrs.
Charlie Brown the one and only of Davis , America ,” I informed her just as
tersely. “And she’s standing here in a frayed, soggy towel while her bath water
gets cold and she does not owe Neiman Marcus a single dime, darlin’.”
“Yeah, right, and I’m Minnie
Mouse. When are you going to pay this bill?” she said. Icicles dripped from her
voice. But I didn’t really care. They were dripping from the ends of my towel.
“Just as soon as Miss Piggy
pays me for cleaning her house and when I can talk Donald Duck into providing
an answering service for folks who can’t get the right number. Have a good day,
Minnie Mouse.”
By the time I got back to
the tub the bubbles were flat and the water was cold. I opted for a two minute
shower and some hot chocolate to sip while I read the book snuggled up on the
couch. The phone did not ring again all evening. I wonder if I can pay the
bathtub folks to unhook the gizmo in the bottom of the tub.
Isn't it true that the phone always rings when you are in the tub or in the bathroom for any reason at all. My best friend got a phone call from the insurance company that handle her Dad life insurance policy after he died and they had send her a check. They called to tell her that his life insurance payment was late and the policy was going to be canceled if a payment was not made. My friend explained that her Dad had died, the date he died, and that she had already receive a check for the payout of the insurance policy. Woman on phone tells her that her computer shows that he is alive and that if he is in fact dead, not just trying to avoid paying the premium, this is what she was going to have to sent them. Which of course had already been sent. In the end she ended up having to talk to a supervisor. It crazy!
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