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Y'all come on in!

Monday, April 27, 2015

Allergies and that crucial seventh year of marriage!

April is almost gone. May will speed by like a bumble bee on its way to a bed of clover. And then it’s June! Traditional month for long white dresses, tuxedoes, wedding cakes and all that surrounds a bride and her wedding day. But, alas, in amongst the plans there’s still allergies to deal with during that time. So the bride best be taking her antihistamine pills before the big day or she’ll be using her granny’s special lace edged hanky for more than wrapping around her bouquet.

Saying “I do” doesn’t negate the allergy symptoms. If it did there’d be a longer line in front of the court house than there is down at the Snow Cone place on the first day it opens. All brides do need to be aware of the changes that will come about during the course of the first seven years they are married, especially when it comes to dealing with allergies.

During the first year when they sniffle or sneeze, dutiful new husband will be there with a whole box of those new improved tissues with lotion in them. He’ll cook her supper, put on her favorite music, rub her feet and call the boss to let him know she won’t be at work the next day. “Now sweetheart, if you sniffle one more time or if you develop even the faintest sign of a cough I’m taking you to the emergency room. I’ll sleep right here on the floor beside the bed. No, honey, I’m not going to sleep in the bed. I might wiggle and keep you awake. I’ll be perfectly all right beside the bed in a sleeping bag. I’ll set the alarm to go off every hour so I can touch your forehead and be sure you don’t have fever. Now take this little pill and I’ll go squeeze some more fresh orange juice.”

The second year they’re married when the Cottonwoods are throwing off that white fluff and she begins to sneeze, he is still concerned. He says he’ll send out for pizza and he puts on her favorite music, but he’s got a poker game with the boys so there’s no foot rub. “You will be able to work tomorrow, won’t you? You know if you take a vacation day it cuts into our vacation time and the first day I’m scheduled to play golf on that new course in Texas. But don’t you worry your pretty head about it. Just call the doctor and get some higher powered antihistamines. I’ll be home at midnight. Wish me luck.”

The third year when the pollen begins to fly and she comes home from work with a stuffy nose, fever and red eyes, he looks up from his sports magazine and says, “Oh, no, not allergies again. Go ahead and lay down on the sofa. I’ll fix you some canned soup. The boys are coming for poker in thirty minutes. I guess this means you aren’t up to making a chocolate cake for us to snack on at midnight?”

The fourth year when the weatherman says it’s the first official day of spring she comes dragging in with bloodshot eyes and coughing louder than thunder. He takes one look at her and says, “Honey, be sensible. You know you’ve got allergies and they aren’t going to disappear. So you’ll have to learn to deal with them. When you’ve mopped the floor, done the dishes and fixed supper, please rest for a little while. Oh, I when I picked the baby up at the sitters I noticed he was out of diapers, so you’d better run to the store and buy some before you lay down.”

Fifth year? “Why don’t you take a couple of aspirin?”

Sixth year? “If you’d just gargle instead of hacking like a coyote with tonsillitis, things would sure be a lot more pleasant around here. You aren’t coming in the dining room where me and the boys are playing cards tonight are you? All that sneezing and carrying on will ruin our game.”
They say the seventh year is the first real test of whether a marriage will stand or fall. I’ve figured out why. The wife comes home with fever, a cough, sneezing, red eyes and a whole shopping bag full of tissues. She remembers those first days when Husband was so wonderful and hopes he’ll understand her problem. And what does he say?

“For Pete’s sake, can’t you stop coughing. What are you trying to do, ruin my television show? I can't hear a word they're saying about this show with you sounding like a fog horn every five seconds. What's for dinner?”

She throws the shopping bag at him, shoves him out the door and calls a divorce lawyer.

Year seven.

The first crucial year in a marriage.

It’s because of allergies.


1 comment:

  1. Thank you for clearing that up! I alway wonder why so many couples divorce after being married for seven years. I never connected that it was because all the wives had allergies, just thought all the men were jack asses.