Venus & Mars...

There’s lots of good reference material out there supporting the fact that men and women did not even come from the same planet. Women used to live on Venus where flowers grow abundantly which is the reason they love flowers at any time of year. There on Venus, everything was peaceful, talk was easy and there was lots of it and everyone dressed for dinner.

Men sprang from Mars where not even weeds grew because they didn’t want to mow. Where contact sports originated, where communication was guttural sounds and no one ever talked about problems. And the formal dress for dinner was a tee-shirt with the sleeves cut out and no socks or shoes.

Stands to reason there would be problems when they were suddenly shipped to Earth to live together, now don’t it? Hence, psychoanalysts were created to teach women how to learn the testosterone language and men to attempt to listen to estrogen talk. It must have been like the end days when there’s one man and woman left on earth and the woman speaks a dialect of ancient Hebrew and the man speaks only broken street Spanish.

So you disagree?

Then I will give you examples:

For instance a woman hangs a note pad edged in pansies or roses on the refrigerator door and when something is used up like ketchup or cinnamon, she pencils it in. Then when she goes to the grocery store she replenishes everything in the house.

A man waits until all that’s left in the ‘fridge are a petrified lime, half a can of evaporated milk so old that the holes in the top are filled with yellow dried gunk and a tomato that has swiveled up and has the texture of silly putty. When he goes to the store, he buys what looks good and by the time he makes it to the check out counter he needs sideboards for his basket.

Next example:

A woman will put on her make up, fix her hair and get her “dry clean only” dress out of the closet to go to the grocery store.

A man dresses up for funerals and weddings. He’ll go to the grocery store in pajama pants and a tee-shirt with a hole in the front right about belly button level.

Next:

A woman does laundry systematically. Whites and bed sheets on Monday. Jeans on Tuesday. Hand washables on Saturday and drop off the dry cleaning on Wednesday and pick it up Friday after work.

A man wears every article of clothing he owns until he can’t find anything in the closet…not even in the floor. Then he loads his pickup truck with his 24 loads of laundry and takes them to the commercial laundro-mat because he can cram more into those machines than the washer at home. He sorts nothing. Towels, jeans, dress clothes and the dog blanket all go in together.

Next:

Nicknames. If Susan, Amber, Tracy and Jody go to lunch, they call each other Susan, Amber, Tracy and Jody.

If Mitch, Robert, Shawn and Bill go to lunch, they call each other Peanut-Brain, Bubba, Shorty and Slim.

Next:

Children. A woman knows when her children’s birthdays are and when they took their first step, when they cut their first tooth, when they graduated from high school and if they like carrots or chocolate cake.

A man knows there is some kind of short strangers living in his house and if they are girl strangers they don’t like the twenty four hour sports channel on television.

And the last one:

When a woman talks about her wedding, they remember every detail in magnificent detail. They can tell you about the flowers, the cake, their brides’ maids’ dresses and the lovely ceremony. A man remembers his bachelor party.

I rest my case.

Venus and Mars. Whoever wrote the book is a genius!!!