Dear Mr. I.R.S.
This is a notice that I have sent in my 2015 Federal Taxes and all forms that you requested with it. So Happy Early Birthday to You!If you would cancel any and all subscriptions that you have in my name I would appreciate it greatly. I'm not sure my checking account, my heart or my tear ducts can take much more of this.
I sincerely hope that I have filled out said Form 1040 correctly and that line 38 meets with your approval. It took two boxes of tissues to clean up the tears I shed as I wrote the number in line 79. I was wise enough to take two heart attack pills before I got to that line. If you find fault with any of this form please lay the blame on Uncle Jasper who over sampled the moonshine on the day he was helping me tally up all the figures.
We would like to ask that next year you put in an extra space or two for folks who no longer have exemptions in the way of children. Check here for each tom cat, dog, hamster or guinea pig or any other pet that requires food. And also a space to mark for a deduction if the grandkids eat at our house more than once a month.
I have mortgaged my two tom cats for the money to send this check to you. Don’t worry though. If the bank comes to repossess either of them, I reckon they’ll find themselves in the emergency room for stitches since the boys don't take much to strangers.
I hope your birthday is a happy one. The size of this check might not reduce the national debt by much but it should provide at least more than one steak dinner at your favorite restaurant for you and Miss Self Employment Tax. Insist that she buy the dessert every single time. With that sizable lump I sent her you can even order the extra large double chocolate fudge cheese cake.
Carolyn L. Brown