Mrs. Santa Claus...

It's a good thing that Santa Claus is not a self-proclaimed, life-time bachelor. Because I've got a sneaky little suspicion that Miz Claus has been taking trips with Santa since back when she was Miss Pole. She just lets everyone think she's staying home with her feet propped up in front of the fireplace and sips on tea, while she gets Santa's red long handles all toasty warm for him when he gets back from the toy run.

But she's really been right there beside him in that sleigh every year. If she wasn't, there would be no Christmas. After all Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal. That is enough to guarantee that a man could not pull it off all by himself. The only thing that makes gives them a warm, fuzzy feeling is the dinner and their favorite football team on the television.

And organized. Come on folks! Most fellers couldn't find a matched pair of socks in the dryer if they weren't pinned together. Finding Tommy a Nintendo, Christopher a BB gun, and Emily one of those Barbie Corvettes their brains out past the limits.

And the vast majority of the male population do not even think about gifts. "Here's the check book honey. Get a gift for everyone and keep each one under five bucks. And could you bring me another bag of chips before you go so I don't miss the next play."

Oh, yes, common sense tells us there is a good woman behind Santa and she's the one taking care of everything except eating the cookies and drinking the milk.

Another problem Santa would have is getting all across the world with his sleigh and reindeer--first of all the reindeer would be dead before time to hitch them up. Mrs. Claus is the one who either gripes at him to keep them fed or does it herself. Yes, ma'am! Mrs. Claus takes care of Rudolph and Dancer and Blitzen which tells me they wouldn't take a single leap in the air without Mama Claus right there in the sleigh with him.

And just who would shove old Santa down the chimney and then give him a helping hand back up if it weren't for his sweet wife waiting patiently for him to scarf down those cookies and milk? It's a cinch Rudolph and all the reindeer together couldn't drag the fat man back up the chimney.

Then there's the fact that men folks can't pack an organized bag. Tommy would get a BB gun and whine all day because he's marched at school for gun control. Christopher would get a Barbie Corvette and throw it in the trash and poor little Emily would get the Nintendo and she hates video games.

We won't even talk about stopping to ask for directions when he gets lost!!! We won't even go there!

The gossip around the North Pole water cooler is that Mrs. Claus had to promise him a thirty day vacation in Florida to get him to wear that hot red velvet suit this year what with this global warming stuff. Then there is the issue of genes...it's not in the male specie's DNA to write letters, much less answer them or to make lists of who's naughty or nice.

So this Christmas when you put out the cookies and milk, you might remember to set out a sweet little cup of tea or maybe even a tube of hand lotion for the lady who really takes care of this whole holiday!